Blogs are the worst. Have you ever wanted something really badly and then realize when you get it that you don’t actually want it? The other day I might have mentioned wanting a little more drama. But I only meant in the writing. I don’t actually want drama. Drama is the worst. I am finding Epiblogger’s stats to be very dramatic. It’s messing with all my heartstrings.

(First let me explain the title and picture. The title is not supposed to be sexist—if anyone was taking it that way. I have just never had a boyfriend or an ex-boyfriend for that matter. I know guys are just as dramatic as girls. All I am saying is that I have had some very melodramatic ex-girlfriends. I could also admit that, from time-to-time, I was a very melodramatic boyfriend. Bet you would have never guessed. Also, if you don’t immediately know what the heck is going on in the picture then shame on you! Those are the best costumes I have seen in a long time. What you are looking at is The Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend from the best cartoon that I have seen in my whole life—The Venture Bros.)

There are some things that I know. Writing, for instance, is something that I know. There are other things that I feel less confident about. Successful blogging—in terms of readers/subscribers—is not something I feel completely comfortable with. Prior to launching Epiblogger all I have ever been is a personal blogger. I know that my writing is good enough that I have a lot of return and loyal readers that get upset with me when I don’t post on rockstarpoet; however, it is a relatively small group of readers. Frankly, I never cared about how many readers I had on my personal blog. In some senses, I am not writing for them, but for me. Great if some people like it, but finding a readership certainly isn’t my goal with rockstarpoet.

Epiblogger signals a large shift in my thinking in regards to readership and blogging. Epiblogger’s first concern, in my mind, is not about me. It’s about you. More than that, it is about being in community and sharing my ideas with a larger audience in regards to how to affectively communicate and approach blogging—plus a myriad of other issues (like hijacking a post to complain about numbers). Thus, at the mention of having an audience, enters the horrid and ugly beast known as stats.

Did you know that a couple weeks ago my twitter post got stumbled? Up until that day I hadn’t really been paying attention to the numbers. Unfortunately, I have a penchant for stardom. I am a bit of a blogging diva. I like (read: love) being the centre of attention. That’s probably a reason that I stick with blogging. It’s all about me. Except this place, it’s not usually all about me—even though it’s usually all about me even when it isn’t. (Confusing, eh? See. I am dramatic.) After that post was stumbled we saw, in the following days, over 2000 unique hits on Epiblogger. What a rush! You mean that 2000 people, within a span of days, might have read what I wrote? Awesome.

You know what happened next? I know you do. Hills and valleys. At our peak, Google said we had over 1000 hits in one day. In the days following, it dwindled. Within five days, I believe, our lowest day was 30 hits. Thirty! I think I am beginning to understand why movie stars go crazy. Where did all the people go? They were here two days ago? What the hell!

It turns out, as it usually goes, I lost focus of my true goals. I am here for people. I am here for friendships. I am here to help. What I should have remembered is that, even though I have shifted my focus to wanting to attract a readership and truly do some good on the web, I can’t worry about how many people read but readers with whom I make real connections with—known or unknown. Though I certainly appreciate the ones that take time to comment.

How do you deal with the numbers?

Photo by Jim Reynolds